The Late Late Show: A Review

Like visiting war-torn Afghanistan, Iraq or Kosovo, watching an episode of the Late Late Show is an unpleasant experience. But somebody’s got to do it. And following in the footsteps of such great war correspondents as John Simpson, Seymour Hersh and Robert Fisk, this reviewer is bravely putting himself out there, exposing himself to the horrors of RTÉ’s flagship weekly televisual atrocity.

Any time I watch the Late Late Show, the first thing I notice is that it never starts at its advertised time. Tonight is no exception, and at 21:36, the (Late) Late Late Show finally begins. Perhaps by doing this, RTÉ’s schedulers are just having an ironic joke at the viewers expense. Which is where the light relief ends.

As the dismal excuse for a theme-tune fades away - the rousing drums of the old Chris Andrews classic, To Whom it Concerns now just a distant memory of happier times - our host, Pat Kenny makes his inauspicious entrance, looking uncharacteristically smug; a bit like a man who earns almost a million Euro per year. Like a man who robbed a load of land from his neighbour. Like a sixty-year-old who looks twenty years younger, and knows it. We’ve got an exciting show ahead, apparently. Although I bet he says that every week.

First up, we’ve got Nell McCafferty, Ivan Yates, Gerald Kean and some generic model who isn’t Katy French - but appears so entirely vacuous, that she might as well be dead too - in what looks very much like a promo for RTÉ’s latest foray into the world of ‘Celebreality TV’. Which is exactly what it is. Celebrity Bainisteoir does what it says on the tin. A bunch of celebrities (or what passes for celebrities on these shores) managing GAA football teams. For those who like that kind of thing, it’s probably a very interesting show, but an interesting interview this is absolutely not. The most exciting part came when a birthday cake is inexplicably wheeled out to celebrate Nell McCafferty’s 64th birthday.

Moving swiftly onwards, we’re treated to a musical act - Nizlopi - briefly famous, in 2005, for their insufferable JCB Song. To put it mildly, they aren’t great. It’s sad to see such a forgettable, mediocre British band being shipped over to appear on the Late Late, when there are so many decent Irish bands out there struggling for deserved airtime and recognition.

Brace yourself now, because it’s competition time. Call me misanthropic, but I find it very difficult to get excited about some total stranger in the audience winning a trip to the Bahamas and a bucket of cash to spend when he gets there. I can’t help but feel that maybe they should spare us the tedium, and do these competitions during the commercial breaks.

Have you ever heard of an artist called ‘Rasher’? If you’re a regular viewer of the Late Late Show, you undoubtedly will have, since he’s made around thirty-five appearances, each of them identical. He’s a fairly run of the mill guy, and this is an incredibly run of the mill interview, with the usual pointless questions about married life, and about how being a father has changed the way he paints. The most bizarre part of the interview, and perhaps the most bizarre part of the show comes as ‘Rasher’ discusses his time in France, and Pat interjects by asking him if he pondered cutting his ear off at the time. Because, you know, that’s what Van Gogh did. Poor old Vincent ultimately shot himself in the chest, but suicide unfortunately lacks the comic value of chopping off your ear and sending it to a hooker, while plagued with clinical depression.

The undeniably great thing about the Late Late Show is its diversity, and ability to follow a light-hearted piece with something horrifically tragic. The next guest is the mother of a woman who died in a road accident. There is a twist, however, and this is no ordinary story of sadness and tragedy. It turns out that the victim in question was a lesbian, and as a result of Ireland’s lack of legalised recognition of civil partnerships, her partner has been left facing financial ruin, and her mother is campaigning for legal recognition of same-sex relationships. This is the kind of stuff that Pat Kenny deals with seamlessly, without any awkward fumbling or inappropriate comments. Unlike his predecessor, Gay Byrne, he fades into the background, and hands the limelight over to the story itself. It’s only when he’s kept away from the celebrity stuff, that Pat reminds us why he got this job in the first place.

The next guests are two teenagers who’ve just become Ireland’s youngest millionaires through creating and selling a successful internet business. They’re from Limerick and they’re neither criminals nor victims of crime, so this is a first for the Late Late Show. It also transpires that they both did incredibly well in their Junior Certs, which is an impressive feat when your parents are out stabbing people, your ‘feuding’ neighbours are trying to burn each other’s houses down, and you’ve got seven horses running around the back yard.

With the real life stories out of the way, it’s time to promote another RTÉ show, as wildlife presenter Colin Stafford-Johnson pops in for a chat with Pat. As you would expect, there are plenty of anecdotes about being chased by wild animals through the jungle, the highlight being when Pat makes a very strange comment about the possibility of being forced to have sexual relations with a male bear. With the Van Gogh self-harm joke, and this inappropriate bestiality comment, I believe Pat Kenny may be just one AIDS-joke away from being decidedly edgy.

And finally, the part of the show we’ve all been waiting for. Or at least I have anyway. Eamon Dunphy, Eoghan Harris and John Waters are back to discuss Bertie Ahern’s finances. Dunphy is on top form, and looks pretty much as you would expect him to look on a Friday night: Slightly less than sober. And anyone who watches RTÉ’s soccer coverage will know that a drunk Eamo is always worth watching. Nothing like that strange man who writes those bitter, misogynistic tracts in the Times every Friday, John Waters is extremely quiet, and surprisingly talks a bit of common sense, accurately predicting that Bertie will soon be an ex-Taoiseach. Eoghan Harris is… well, he’s Eoghan Harris.

Again, another astute performance from Pat, who knows that the best thing to do is to simply sit in the background and let Dunphy and Harris get on with it. That’s what the viewers want. The clear winner in the debate, if you can call it that, was Dunphy. Harris didn’t walk out, so it was a success for him too. Waters just seemed happy to be there in the middle of it all. After watching that, I might even buy myself a television licence some day.

All in all, this was a decent episode of the Late Late. It started off badly, but redeemed itself with a decent selection of interviews and a good old-fashioned argument. Apart from Pat’s occasional faux pas, the only gripe I have with it is RTÉ’s insistence on being all ‘interactive’, and allowing members of the public to text or email their comments. It is a well known scientific fact that, not unlike bloggers, the type of people who want their opinions to scroll across your television screen rarely have anything of any worth to say. About anything. It adds nothing to the show, only serving to remind us that there are a lot of thick, ignorant people out there who, despite knowing nothing about anything, somehow have the ability to use mobile phones. Very depressing.

(28th March 2008 )