Ian O’Doherty…

When writing about the likes of Ian O’Doherty, you run the risk of falling into a couple of traps. Firstly, you’ll be accused of becoming as much of a cliché as O’Doherty himself.

“Oh, there you are again,” the Reader will say, “getting yourself into a tizzy over the oh-so-controversial and anti-PC opinions he gets inexplicably paid to churn out every day. Why even read it? Are you suddenly expecting him to write something insightful and worthwhile?”

Well, dear Reader, I am not “in a tizzy,” as you so irritatingly put it. I’m merely a little disturbed by the content of today’s diatribe. You see, IO’D (as we’ll call him from now on) seems to have some very odd views on men’s behaviour towards women.

“And you’re shocked about that? The guy’s a massive racist, a homophobe and a climate change denier. He seems like the kind of chap who’d struggle to walk past a homeless person without feeling the urge to kick them. Ignore him – He’s just a poor man’s Jeremy Clarkson – and Clarkson’s just a poor man’s P.J. O’Rourke. Are you seriously pretending to be surprised that he has a funny attitude towards women?”

Look, you’re starting to piss me off now…

“Thought you said you weren’t in a tizzy!”

Reader, please… can I just continue with this blog entry?

“Go on then, fire away, if you’ve nothing better to do with your time than pay attention to an attention-seeking ignoramus, who thinks that straight, white men are the most discriminated-against members of society.”

I actually have lots of other things I could be doing, but thank you, Reader, for bringing me straight to the point of this blog. IO’D, like so many of his ilk, genuinely seems to believe that being a straight, white man is really difficult. He’s the kind of person who’ll always seek to downplay all instances or allegations of homophobia, racism or sexism… Unless, of course, he feels that white, straight males are on the receiving end of discrimination. In his eyes, perceived discrimination against the white, straight male is the very worst thought-crime of all.

Maybe IO’D is just really unhappy and should be pitied. Like many of those who claim that us white, heterosexual men are the most oppressed group on earth, my own life has yet to really work out as I might have ideally liked. But that’s kind of my own fault, with maybe the odd dash of bad luck thrown in for good measure. I’m not about to start blaming the ‘feminazis’ for my own shortcomings.

“I have to admit, It is a testament to our inherent strength and indefatigable resilience that the white, straight male has overcome centuries of misandry, heterophobia and anti-white racism, to become the most dominant group in almost every facet of public life.”

Quite, Reader, quite. I don’t know how we do it sometimes, I really don’t. This week, IO’D is really annoyed (in a bit of a tizzy, even) that a handful of universities in the UK are launching compulsory ‘Sexual Consent Workshops’ for male students. He thinks it’s patronising and demeaning.

“I must admit, I’d find it a bit patronising, being forced to listen to someone explain what I already know…”

Yes, dear Reader, but you aren’t a clueless seventeen-year-old undergraduate, fresh out of secondary school, having received only the most rudimentary sex education, most of which involved being told to stop sniggering whenever the word ‘vagina’ was uttered. The workshops are aimed towards educating those who might not fully understand the concepts of consent and boundaries. To take full effect, they really need to be compulsory.

In his poorly-written rant, probably shat out, after-hours, in some hovel of a bar, through a haze of cigarette smoke, and with the stench of beer leaking from his pores, IO’D has adopted his usual tactic of setting up a straw man – in this case, the nasty ‘feminazis’ set up those workshops because they believe all men are potential rapists.

“By portraying him as a barely literate, chain-smoking drunk, aren’t you also engaging in ‘straw man’ tactics?”

I suppose I am, yes. Thank you, reader, for bringing that to my attention. Let’s just imagine that IO’D was sitting in a luxurious leather chair, in his own personal library, surrounded by some of the world’s most profound literature and listening to Verdi’s Rigoletto, through a pleasant haze of sweet pipe smoke… when he described ‘lad culture’ and ‘unwanted sexual advances’ as ‘essentially harmless behavioural traits’.

“Wait, he actually said that? Seriously?”

Yes, Reader, I’m afraid so.

“What a cunt”

No, you’re not supposed to call him that. He’ll only get all self-satisfied and accuse you of proving some point he was making in one of his other columns.

“What point? That he’s a cunt?”

Um, yeah, I suppose…

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